Killer PJ

DISCLAIMER: I am not responsible for an attack of any kind (Be it heart, panic or laughter)

Using ur brain is strictly prohibited!!

Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gaya peter,
Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gaya peter,
Hero Honda Splendor 80km/Litre.

Agar ho bimaar to dhundo chemist,
Agar ho bimaar to dhundo chemist,
My name is Khan & m not a terrorist.

Raat ke 2 baje baji ghar ki bell,
Raat ke 2 baje baji ghar ki bell,
Maine Gate Khola toh,
Chowkidaar bola.......
ALL IZZ WELL
ALL IZZ WELL.

Karna padta hain apne kharcho pe kaabu,
Karna padta hain apne kharcho pe kaabu,
Ek chutki sindur ki, kimaat tum kya jaano rames babu..??

Tum bin hum yu kaise ji paayenge,
Tum bin hum yu kaise ji paayenge,
"Aayenge...! Mere Karan - Karan Arjun aayenge..."

Call karne se pehle, balance jaachna,
Call karne se pehle, balance jaachna,
Basanti inn kutto ke saamne mat naachna..

IPL ke matches dekh ke logon ko maza aaraha hain,
IPL ke matches dekh ke logon ko maza aaraha hain,
12 saal se Daya ek he Qualis Chalaraha hain.

Hollywood ka hero hain TOM CRUZ,
Hollywood ka hero hain TOM CRUZ,
Pudhil Station Santa cruz...
Agla Station Santa cruz..
Next Station Santacruz.

Na jaan na pehchaan, tu mera mehmaan,
Na jaan na pehchaan, tu mera mehmaan,
And the award goes to A.R.Rehman.

Manchester United mein khelta hain ROONEY,
Manchester United mein khelta hain ROONEY,
ACP pradhuymann ne kaha " aakhir chahta kya hain khooni"

Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,
Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,
Diagram galat hogaya, rubber de rubber..!

Q:Why a person with broken heart doesnt need general knowledge?..
A:Jab dil he toot gaya, toh "G.K" kya karein.

2 Cockroach ICU mein ek dusre ke bagal waale bed mein admit the.
Pehla Cockroach: "Kya dost Baygon se?
Dusra Cockroach: "Nahin re Paragon se..!!

IF u think this were not killer ones here comes the deadliest of All.
I would like to repeat that using ur brain is strictly prohibited.

Q: U r in a boat in middle of river. U have 2 candles & have to light any 1 candle. U dont have anything wid u in boat. How to do it?
A:Take 1 candle & throw it in the water. So the boat will become Lighter. Using this Lighter u can light the other candle.
Another deadly answer: U throw a candle up & catch it. Catches win Matches. Using Matches u can light the candle.
If that wasnt enough, 1 more answer: start praising 1 candle, the other will get jealous & get lighted up.
If that also wasnt enough 1 more last answer: take water in ur hand & drop it drop by drop (Tip-Tip) " Tip Tip Barsa Paani, Paani ne Aag lagaai" us aag se candle jal jaayegi.

Weird..

What would be your first reaction if you have had an accident or narrowly escaped one?

Take a guess.....

A wild guess.......

Cant think of anything?????

Ok Let me help

Turn off the ignition?

NO

Get away from the car in case it explodes?

NO

Call 100?

NO

Call ambulance??? ???

Noway....

Heres The Answer......

Enjoy......

"Nehru Dynasty" - Interesting History

************************** Disclaimer********************************

This is a forward I had received and has not been verified by me. It's just something I found interesting and doesnot mean that I certify or endorse it.

*********************************************************

At the very beginning of his book, 'The Nehru Dynasty', astrologer K.N. Rao mentions the names of Jawaharlal's father and grandfather.

Jawaharlal's father was believed to be Motilal and Motilal's father was one Gangadhar Nehru. We all know that Jawaharlal's only daughter was Indira Priyadarshini Nehru; Kamala Nehru was her mother, who died in Switzerland of tuberculosis. She was totally against Indira's proposed marriage with Feroze.

Why? No one tells us that!

Now, who is this Feroze? We are told by many that he was the son of the family grocer. The grocer supplied wines, etc. to Anand Bhavan (previously known as Ishrat Manzil).

What was the family grocer's name? One frequently hears that Rajiv Gandhi's grandfather was Pandit Nehru. But then we all know that everyone has two grandfathers, the paternal and the maternal grandfathers. In fact, the paternal grandfather is deemed to be the more important grandfather in most societies. Why is it then, nowhere, we find Rajiv Gandhi's paternal grandfather's name? It appears that the reason is simply. Rajiv Gandhi's paternal grandfather was a Muslim gentleman from the Junagadh area of Gujarat. This Muslim grocer by the name of Nawab Khan, had married a Parsi woman after converting her to Islam. This is the source where from the myth of Rajiv being a Parsi was derived.

Rajiv's father Feroze, was Feroze Khan before he married Indira, against Kamala Nehru's wishes. Feroze's mother's family name was Ghandy, often associated with Parsis and this was changed to Gandhi, sometime before his wedding with Indira, by an affidavit.

The fact of the matter is that (and this fact can be found in many writings) Indira was very lonely. Chased out of the Shantiniketan University by Guru Dev Rabindranath himself for misdemeanour, the lonely girl was all by herself, while father Jawaharlal was busy with politics, pretty women and illicit sex, the mother was in hospital. Feroze Khan, the grocer's son was then in England and he was quite sympathetic to Indira and soon enough she changed her religion, became a Muslim woman and married Feroze Khan in a London mosque.

Nehru was not happy, Kamala was dead already or dying. The news of this marriage eventually reached Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (better known as Mahatma Gandhi) . Gandhi urgently called Nehru and practically ordered him to ask the young man to change his name from Khan to Gandhi. It had nothing to do with change of religion, from Islam to Hinduism for instance. It was just a case of a change of name by an affidavit. And so Feroze Khan became Feroze Gandhi.

The surprising thing is that the apostle of truth, the old man soon to be declared India's Mahatma and the 'Father of the Nation' didn't mention this game of his in the famous book, 'My Experiments with Truth'. Why? When they returned to India, amock 'Vedic marriage' was instituted for public consumption. On this subject, writes M.O. Mathai (a long-time Private Secretary of Nehru) in his renowned (but now suppressed by the GOI! ) 'Reminiscences of the Nehru Age' on page 94, second paragraph: ' For some inexplicable reason, Nehru allowed the marriage to be performed according to Vedic rites in 1942.

An inter-religious and inter-caste marriage under Vedic rites at that time was not valid in law. To be legal, it had to be a civil marriage .' It's a known fact that after Rajiv's birth Indira and Feroze lived separately, but they were not divorced. Feroze used to harass Nehru frequently for money and also interfere in Nehru's political activities. Nehru got fed up and left instructions not to allow him into the Prime Minister's residence Trimurthi Bhavan. Mathai writes that the death of Feroze came as a relief to Nehru and Indira. The death of Feroze in 1960 before he could consolidate his own political forces, is itself a mystery. Feroze had even planned to remarry. Those who try to keep tabs on our leaders in spite of all the suppressions and deliberate misinformation, are aware of the fact that the second son of Indira (or Mrs.Feroze Khan) known as Sanjay Gandhi was not the son of Feroze.

He was the son of another Muslim gentleman, Mohammad Yunus. Here in passing, we might mention that the second son was originally named Sanjiv. It rhymed with Rajiv, the elder brother's name. It was changed to Sanjay when he was arrested by the British police in England and his passport impounded, for having stolen a car. Krishna Menon was then India's High Commissioner in London. He offered to issue another passport to the felon who changed his name to Sanjay. Incidentally, Sanjay's marriage with the Sikh girl Menaka (now they call her Maneka for Indira Gandhi found the name of mythological Lord Indra's Court dancer rather offensive !!) took place quite surprisingly in Mohammad Yunus's house in New Delhi . The marriage with Menaka who was a model (She had model for Bombay Dyeing wearing just a towel) was not so ordinary either. Sanjay was notorious in getting unwed young women pregnant. Menaka too was rendered pregnant by Sanjay. It was then that her father, Colonel Anand, threatened Sanjay with dire consequences if he did not marry her daughter and that did the trick. Sanjay married Menaka. It was widely reported in Delhi at the time that Mohammad Yunus was unhappy at the marriage of Sanjay with Menaka. Apparently he had wanted to get him married with a Muslim girl of his choice. It was Mohammad Yunus who cried the most when Sanjay died in the plane accident.

In Yunus's book, 'Persons, Passions & Politics' one discovers that baby Sanjay had been circumcised following Islamic custom, although the reason stated was phimosis. It was always believed that Sanjay used to blackmail Indira Gandhi and due to this she used to turn a blind eye when Sanjay Gandhi started to run the country as though it were his personal freedom. Was he black mailing her with the secret of who his real father was? When the news of Sanjay's death reached Indira Gandhi, the first thing she wanted to know was about the bunch of keys which Sanjay had with him.

Nehru was no less a player in producing bastards. At least one case is very graphically described by M.O. Mathai in his 'Reminiscences of the Nehru Age', page 206. Mathai writes: 'In the autumn of 1948 a young woman from Benares arrived in New Delhi as a sanyasini named Shraddha Mata (an assumed and not a real name). She was a Sanskrit scholar well versed in the ancient Indian scriptures and mythology. People, including MPs, thronged to her to hear her discourses. One day S.D. Upadhyaya, Nehru's old employee, brought a letter in Hindi from Shraddha Mata. Nehru gave her an interview in the PM's house. As she departed, I noticed (Mathai is speaking here) that she was young, shapely and beautiful. Meetings of Nehru with her became rather frequent, mostly after he finished his work at night. During one of Nehru's visits to Lucknow, Shraddha Mata turned up there and Upadhyaya brought a letter from her as usual. Nehru sent her the reply and she visited Nehru at midnight...'

Suddenly Shraddha Mata disappeared. In November 1949 a convent in Bangalore sent a decent looking person to Delhi with a bundle of letters. He said that a young woman from northern India arrived at the convent a few months ago and gave birth to a baby boy. She refused to divulge her name or give any particulars about herself. She left the convent as soon as she was well enough to move out but left the child behind. She however forgot to take with her a small cloth bundle in which, among other things, several letters in Hindi were found. The Mother Superior, who was a foreigner, had the letters examined and was told they were from the Prime Minister. The person who brought the letters surrendered them...'I (Mathai) made discreet inquiries repeatedly about the boy but failed to get a clue about his whereabouts. Convents in such matters are extremely tight-lipped and secretive. Had I succeeded in locating the boy, I would have adopted him.

He must have grown up as a Catholic Christian blissfully ignorant of who his father was.' Coming back to Rajiv Gandhi, we all know now that he changed his so called Parsi religion to become a Catholic to marry Sania Maino of Turin, Italy. Rajiv became Roberto. His daughter's name is Bianca and son's name is Raul. Quite cleverly the same names are presented to the people of India as Priyanka and Rahul. What is amazing is the extent of our people's ignorance in such matters. The press conference that Rajiv Gandhi gave in London after taking over as Prime minister of India was very informative. In this press conference, Rajiv boasted that he was NOT a Hindu but a Parsi. Mind you, speaking of the Parsi religion, he had no Parsi ancestor at all.

His grandmother (father's mother) had turned Muslim after having abandoned the Parsi religion to marry Nawab Khan. It is the western press that waged a blitz of misinformation on behalf of Rajiv. From the New York Times to the Los Angeles Times and the Washington Post, the big guns raised Rajiv to heaven. The children's encyclopaedias recorded that Rajiv was a qualified Mechanical Engineer from the revered University of Cambridge. No doubt US kids are among the most misinformed in the world today! The reality is that in all three years of his tenure at that University Rajiv had not passed a single exam. He had therefore to leave Cambridge without a certificate. Sonia too had the same benevolent treatment. She was stated to be a student in Cambridge. Such a description is calculated to mislead Indians. She was a student in Cambridge all right, but not of the University of Cambridge, but of one of those fly by night language schools where foreign students come to learn English.

Sonia was working as an 'au pair' girl in Cambridge and trying to learn English at the same time. And surprise of surprises, Rajiv was even cremated as per Vedic rites in full view of India's public.

This is the Nehru dynasty that India worships and now a foreigner leads a prestigious national party because of just one qualification being married into the Nehru family. Maneka Gandhi, though Indian, herself is being accepted by the non-Congress parties not because she was a former model or an animal lover, but for her links to the Nehru family. Saying that an Italian (or any foreigner) should not lead India will amount to narrow mindedness, but if Sania Maino (now Sonia) had served India like, say, Mother Teresa or Annie Besant, i.e. in any way on her own rights, then all Indians should be proud of her just as how proud we are of Mother Teresa. OR Saying that any other party which comes to rule India is better is again equally worse.

The point is Indians who nominate the people to stand in these elections; and the people who vote their rulers (i.e. the authorities) must know that truth eventually come out some day. Don't allow the famous land of India (our motherland) to be looked down by others.

Especially for Bosses!

It is half past 8pm in the office but the lights are still on...
PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing...
And who is at work? Most of them ???

Take a closer look...
All or most specimens are ??
Something male species of the human race...

Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors...

And why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!Any guesses???
Let us ask one of them... Here's what he says...
"What's there to do after going home...Here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee, that is why I am working late... Importantly no bosssss!!!!!!"

This is the scene in most research centers and software companies and other off-shore offices.
Bachelors "Time-passing" during late hours in the office just b'coz they say they've nothing else to do...
Now what are the consequences...
"Working" (for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute or company culture.
With bosses more than eager to provide support to those "working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback, (oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!). They aren't helping things too...

To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between "sitting" late and "working" late!!! V
ery soon, the boss starts expecting all employees to put in extra working hours.
So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family...
office is no longer a priority, family is...
and......
That's when the problem starts...
b'coz u start having commitments at home too.
For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become an "early leaver" even if u leave an hour after regular time...
after doing the same amount of work.
People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labeled as work-shirkers...
Girls who thankfully always (it is changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labeled as "not up to it".
All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on "working" not realizing that they are spoiling the work culture at their own place and never knowing that they wuld have to regret it at one point of time.

So what is the moral of the story??

* Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!! *

Never put in extra time *unless really needed *
Don't stay back un-necessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues.
There are hundred other things to do in the evening..
Learn music...
Learn a foreign language...
Try a sport... TT, cricket.........
Importantly Get a girl friend or boy friend, take him/her around town...
* And for heaven's sake net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low (plus, no fire-walls).... and try cooking for a change ! Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: *"Life's calling, where are you??"*
Please pass on this message to all your colleagues.
And please do it before leaving time, don't stay back till midnight to forward this !!!
IT IS A TYPICAL INDIAN MENTALITY THAT WORKING FOR LONG HOURS MEANS WORKING VERY HARD & 100% COMMITMENT, ETC.
PEOPLE WHO REGULARLY SIT LATE IN THE OFFICE DON'T KNOW HOW TO MANAGE THEIR TIME. SIMPLE !

Double Death!!!

Blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day, we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly states, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know."

Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde.

He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!!

He rushes out to her, asking, "What's so bad now. Are you gonna be ok?"

"No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister.

She told me that HER mom died too!"

A Good One!

How My Husband Broke His Arms....

Last year, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't run, I kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sank in.
Finally I thought of a clever way to make the point.



When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
He was gone only a few moments when he came out again.



He handed me a toothbrush. When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk."

English In Hindi

Hollywood movies are often dubbed in hindi to reach wider audience in India. But the best thing about these movies is not what they're about. Instead, it's the imaginative titles that Indian distributors come up with that have us scratching our heads in amazement.

Here's a list of some of the weirdest movie titles that have been generated over the years...

Funny Ones

1.The Matrix Reloaded (keanu reeves) hindi title: Mayajaal

2. Matrix Revolutions (keanu reeves) hindi title: Mahasangram

3. Aliens (signourney weaver) hindi title: Anjaan Vinashak

4. The Sixth Day (Arnold Schwarzenegger) hindi title: Muqabla Arnold Ka

5. Kiss of the Dragon (Jet li) hindi title: Maut ka Chumma

6. Planet of Apes (Mark waglberg) hindi title: Vaanar Raj

7. Jeepers Creeprs (James avery) hindi title: Bhooka

8. Resident Evil (Milla jovovich) hindi title: Maut ka Bulawa

9. Dunstun Checks In. hindi title: Ek bandar hotel ke andar

10. Dude where is my car (Ashton Kutcher) hindi title: Ek Gaadi Do Anadi

11. Heartbreakers (jennifer love hewit) hindi title: Dil Fake Hasina

Hilarious Ones

12. Finding Nemo hindi title: Kho Gaya Nemo Aapne Dekha Kya?

13. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider hindi title: Sherni No 1

14. Bride of Chucky hindi title: Khooni Dulhan

15. Amazon Women hindi title: Joshilee Laila

16. Ping (Clint Howard) hindi title: Ek Kutta Do Chor

17. Sword Fish (John Travolta) hindi title: Baazigar Kaun ?

18. Beastmaster 11 - Through The Portal of Time (James Avery) hindi title: Ek Tarzan Shahar Mein.

And the Best One

House On Haunted Hill (Geoffrey Rush) hindi title: Kaun Bnaega Crorepati ..Bhoot Bangale ke Andar.

I'm still trying to figure out why this name????? Can U help!!!

Sick Leave Policy

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY

* SICKNESS

No excuse...
We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

* AN OPERATION

We are no longer allowing this practice.
We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.

* DEATH

Other than your own.
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.

* Your own death

This will be accepted as an excuse.
However, we require at least two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to train your replacement.

* ALSO

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.
In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00-8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again.