On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.
Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"
James Bond: "My name is Bond"
Continuing in his inimitable style, "......James Bond."
Then Bond asks: "And you?"
Telugu Guy: "My name is Rao...
Siva Rao...
Samba Siva Rao...
Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao..."
Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James Bond
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
The Perception
He Vs She
1. The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.
2. HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain
3. HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal
SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.
4. HE's not at his desk.
He must be at a meeting.
SHE's not at her desk.
She must be in the ladies' room.
5. HE's not in the office.
He's meeting with customers.
SHE's not in the office.
She must be out shopping.
6. HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.
SHE's having lunch with the boss.
They must be having an affair.
7. The boss criticised HIM.
He'll improve his performance.
The boss criticised HER.
She'll be very upset.
8. HE got an unfair deal.
Did he get angry?
SHE got an unfair deal.
Did she cry?
9. HE's getting married.
He'll get more settled.
SHE's getting married.
She'll get pregnant and leave.
10. HE's having a baby.
He'll need a raise.
SHE's having a baby.
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.
11. HE's going on a business trip.
It's good for his career.
SHE's going on a business trip.
What does her husband say?
12. HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.
SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable.
(MOST of them are true! Arent they ? )
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Interesting
Bad Day
There's a guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour.
Soon, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life.
First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me.
When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. "The police say they can do nothing.
I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there.
The cab driver just drives away.
I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener.
I leave home and come to this bar.
"And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indian Airlines
You Can Trust Them
(CAN YOU???)
This is your captain PATEL (Boniface) welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Indian Airlines.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off...it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.
This is flight 717 to Mumbai.
Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India.
And, if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
We have an excellent safety-record... In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary DHARU and Wada pavw.
For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television.
However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Kingfisher Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane.
Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know.... our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
"Thanking you all for choosing Indian Airlines to fly for the first and last time"
"INDIAN AIRLINES--a name u can trust!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who Misses Whom
Once, there was this guy, who was in love with a gal.
She wasn't the most beautiful and gorgeous but for him, she was everything.
He used to dream about her, about spending the rest of life with her. His friends told him,
"why do you dream so much about her, when you don't even know if she loves you or not?
First tell her your feelings, and get to know if she likes you or not".
He felt that was the right way. The girl knew from the beginning, that this guy loves her.
One day when he proposed, she rejected him.
His friends thought he would take to alcohol; drugs etc. and ruin his life.
To their surprise, he was not depressed.
When they asked him how was it that he is not sad, he replied, "'why should I feel bad? I lost one who never loved me & she lost the one who really loved and cared for her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, January 18, 2007
A point of view...
Barbara Walters of Television's 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.
From Miss Walter's vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands and are happy to maintain the old custom.
Miss Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation, said,
"Land Mines".
She noted that women customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.
From Miss Walter's vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands and are happy to maintain the old custom.
Miss Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation, said,
"Land Mines".
Recruitment
Does your company have a problem in recruiting the right guy for the right chair?
If yes, try this simple experiment.
Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside.
Leave them alone, come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation:-
If they are counting and recounting the bricks
-Put them in Accounts Dept.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks
-Put them in Engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some other order
-Put them in Planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other
-Put them in Operations.
If they are sleeping
-Put them in Security
If they have broken the bricks into pieces
-Put them in Information Technology
If they are sitting idle
-Put them in Human Resource Dept . I
f they have thrown the bricks out of the window
-Put them in Materials Dept.
If they are clinging on to the bricks
-Put them in Treasury
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has moved
-Put them in Sales .
If they have already left for the day
-Put them in Marketing .
If they are staring out of the window
-Put them in the Export
And last but not the least...
If they are talking to each other and not a brick has been moved
-Put them in Top Management !!!
If yes, try this simple experiment.
Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside.
Leave them alone, come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation:-
If they are counting and recounting the bricks
-Put them in Accounts Dept.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks
-Put them in Engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some other order
-Put them in Planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other
-Put them in Operations.
If they are sleeping
-Put them in Security
If they have broken the bricks into pieces
-Put them in Information Technology
If they are sitting idle
-Put them in Human Resource Dept . I
f they have thrown the bricks out of the window
-Put them in Materials Dept.
If they are clinging on to the bricks
-Put them in Treasury
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has moved
-Put them in Sales .
If they have already left for the day
-Put them in Marketing .
If they are staring out of the window
-Put them in the Export
And last but not the least...
If they are talking to each other and not a brick has been moved
-Put them in Top Management !!!
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Be India Proud!
FACTS TO MAKE EVERY Indian PROUD
Q. Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard (hp) ?
A. Rajiv Gupta
Q. Who is the creator of Pentium chip (needs no introduction as 90% of the today's computers run on it)?
A. Vinod Dahm
Q. Who is the third richest man on the world?
A. According to the latest report on Fortune Magazine, it is Azim Premji, who is the CEO of Wipro Industries. The Sultan of Brunei is at 6 th position now.
Q. Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail (Hotmail is world's No.1 web based email program)?
A. Sabeer Bhatia
Q. Who is the president of AT & T-Bell Labs (AT & T-Bell Labs is the creator of program languages such as C, C++, Unix to name a few)?
A. Arun Netravalli
Q. Who is the new MTD (Microsoft Testing Director) of Windows 2000, responsible to iron out all initial problems?
A. Sanjay Tejwrika
Q. Who are the Chief Executives of CitiBank, Mckensey & Stanchart?
A. Victor Menezes, Rajat Gupta, and Rana Talwar.
We Indians are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in America , even faring better than the whites and the natives.
There are 3.22 millions of Indians in USA ( 1.5% of population). YET,
38% of doctors in USA are Indians.
12% scientists in USA are Indians.
36% of NASA scientists are Indians.
34% of Microsoft employees are Indians.
28% of IBM employees are Indians.
17% of INTEL scientists are Indians.
13% of XEROX employees are! Indians.
Some of the following facts may be known to you.
These facts were recently published in a German magazine, which deals with WORLD HISTORY FACTS ABOUT INDIA.
1. India never invaded any country in her last 1000 years of history.
2. India invented the Number system. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.
3. The world's first University was established in Takshila in 700BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4 th century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.
4. According to the Forbes magazine, Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software.
5. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans.
6. Although western media portray modern images of India as poverty striken and underdeveloped through political corruption, India was once the richest empire on earth.
7. The art of navigation was born in the river Sindh 5000 years ago. The very word "Navigation" is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH.
8. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is now k! nown as the Pythagorean Theorem. British scholars have last year (1999) officially published that Budhayan's works dates to the 6 th Century which is long before the European mathematicians.
9. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India . Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11 th Century; the largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Indians used numbers as big as 10 53.
10. According to the Gemmological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds to the world.
11. USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion amongst academics that the pioneer of wireless communication was Professor Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.
12. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.
13. Chess was invented in India .
14. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted surgeries like cesareans, cataract, fractures and urinary stones. Usage of anaesthesia was well known in ancient India .
15. When many cultures in the world were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley ( Indus Valley Civilisation).
16. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.
Quotes About India
We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made.
-Albert Einstein.
India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend and the great grand mother of tradition.
-Mark Twain.
If there is one place on the face of earth where all dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days when man began the dream of existence, it is India .
-French scholar Romain Rolland.
India conquered and dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single soldier across her border.
-Hu Shih (former Chinese ambassador to USA )
ALL OF THE ABOVE IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG, THE LIST COULD BE ENDLESS.
BUT, if we don't see even a glimpse of that great India in the India that we see today, it clearly means that we are not working up to our potential; and that if we do, we could once again be an evershining and inspiring country setting a bright path for rest of the world to follow.
I hope you enjoyed it and work towards the welfare of INDIA ..
The Rock or a Woman n Child Praying!
The secret is to tilt your head to the left until you see the reflection join the rock formation. You will see a woman and a child praying!Friday, December 29, 2006
Pick Up Line & Befitting Replies
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm thereceptionistat the VD Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah,that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one willbetoo if you sit down."
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours andI'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman:"It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman:"Unfertilized!"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman:"You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then why aren't you leaving me alone?"
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah,but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman:"Yes,but would you stay there?
Woman: "Yes, I'm thereceptionistat the VD Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah,that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one willbetoo if you sit down."
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours andI'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman:"It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman:"Unfertilized!"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman:"You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then why aren't you leaving me alone?"
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah,but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman:"Yes,but would you stay there?
Amazing Driving!!!
10th Position
9th Position
8th Position
7th Position
6th Position
5th Position
4th Position
4th Position 3rd Position
Runner Up
The Winner!
Helmet worn backside front... Incase U didn't Notice!
Mathematical Love LeTTer !!!
De-Morgan's Law,
Binomial Avenue,
United States of Matrices.
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with our cute circular face, conical nose andspherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
Yours everloving,
Pythagoras
Binomial Avenue,
United States of Matrices.
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with our cute circular face, conical nose andspherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
Yours everloving,
Pythagoras
Men.... Oh My God!!!
Men Are Hard To Please
The Problems With GUYS:
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD .
If u DRESS Nicely , he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't , he says u are from VILLAGE .
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN ;
If u keep QUIET , he says u have no BRAINS .
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT .
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him! , he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him;
If u do !! he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM , he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u don't , he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE , u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK ;
If he does WELL , it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
& sooo hard to please!!!!!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Marriage!!!
The Silent Treatment:-
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM "
He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.
" Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND:-
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws
WOMEN'S REVENGE:-
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN:-(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S:-
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION:-
A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM "
He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.
" Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND:-
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws
WOMEN'S REVENGE:-
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN:-(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S:-
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION:-
A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
How much people Earn In a Minute !!!
In A Minute...
Shah Rukh Khan
What: Actor
How much: Rs 247 per minute
The King Khan, who started off modestly as a 'Fauji', made about Rs 13 crore last year.
This included his endorsement deals for Pepsi, Hyundai Santro - and of course, wetting himself in a bathtub, surrounded by women for HLL's Lux. How much per minute?
Brij Mohan Lall Munjal
What: Chief of Hero Group
How much: Rs 255 per minute
The patriarch of the Hero Group received the Life-time achievement award for 'Excellence in Corporate Governance' by the Institute of Company Secretary of India this year. Brij Mohan Lall Munjal earned about Rs 13.4 crore last year. He continues to be the world's largest motorcycle manufacturer and fuels his bank balance with Rs 255 per minute.
Sachin Tendulkar
What: Cricketer
How much: Rs 1,163 per minute
India's most loved sportsman makes a lot more than most CEOs of Indian companies; going by his annual remuneration for last year. Breaking it down, his three-year contract for endorsements is worth Rs 180 crores. He is also paid Rs 2,35,000 for a five-day test match and Rs 2,50,000 for one dayers. A little bit of elementary math: This highest paid cricketer in the world makes around Rs 61.15 crore a year, or Rs 1,163 per minute
Dr A P J ABDUL Kalam
What: President of India
How much: Rs 1.14 per minute
Before taking on the reins of this country, Dr A P J Kalam played a leading role in the development of India's missile and nuclear weapons programmes - so much so - that he's fondly referred to as the 'Missile Man'. In the early 1990s, he served as scientific adviser to the government, and his prominent role in India 's 1998 nuclear weapons tests established Kalam as a national hero. For all his work in his present capacity as President of the world's largest de mocracy, Kalam draws an annual remuneration of Rs 6,00,000 or Rs 1.14 per minute.
Mukesh Ambani
What: CMD of Reliance Industries Ltd
How much: Rs 413 per minute
Head honcho of the $16.5 billion Reliance Industries Limited, Mukesh Ambani was ranked the world's 56th richest man in Forbe's list. But since this is only about salaries (and the like), we'll completely ignore his other earnings. Last year, Mr Ambani earned Rs 21.72 crore; a neat growth of 87 per cent over his previous year's earnings. He makes not less than Rs 413 per minute.
Amitabh Bachchan
What: Actor
How much: Rs 361 per minute
Kaun Banega Crorepati? Apparently, Mr Bachchan! With more endorsements and film releases per year than successful actors half his age, Bachchan's take-home last year was around Rs 19 crore - that's Rs 361 per minute.
Dr Manmohan Singh
What: Prime Minister of India
How much: Rs 0.57 per minute
An economist by profession, Dr Singh has formerly served in the International Monetary Fund. His economics education included an undergraduate and a master's degree from Punjab University ; an undergraduate degree from Cambridge ; and a doctorate from Oxford University . One of the most educated Indian prime ministers in history, Singh also served as the finance minister under prime minister Narasimha Rao. In his present capacity, Singh is paid Rs 3,60,000 annually, i.e. Rs 0.57 per minute.
Indra Nooyi
What: New Pepsi Chief
How much: Rs 2,911 per minute (from October 11)
Chennai-born 50-year-old Indra Nooyi was the Chief Financial Officer (CFO) of PepsiCo, the US-based soft drink major. In that capacity, her remuneration stood at $5 million (over Rs 23 crore). With her promotion this year, Nooyi becomes one of the highest paid CEOs in the world, with an announced remuneration of $33 million (approximately Rs 153 crores). This means Nooyi makes a whopping Rs 2,911 per minute.
*All figures based on media reports
Caution : DON'T start calculating your salary.
Fractions are not allowed.
Shah Rukh Khan
What: Actor
How much: Rs 247 per minute
The King Khan, who started off modestly as a 'Fauji', made about Rs 13 crore last year.
This included his endorsement deals for Pepsi, Hyundai Santro - and of course, wetting himself in a bathtub, surrounded by women for HLL's Lux. How much per minute?
Brij Mohan Lall Munjal
What: Chief of Hero Group
How much: Rs 255 per minute
The patriarch of the Hero Group received the Life-time achievement award for 'Excellence in Corporate Governance' by the Institute of Company Secretary of India this year. Brij Mohan Lall Munjal earned about Rs 13.4 crore last year. He continues to be the world's largest motorcycle manufacturer and fuels his bank balance with Rs 255 per minute.
Sachin Tendulkar
What: Cricketer
How much: Rs 1,163 per minute
India's most loved sportsman makes a lot more than most CEOs of Indian companies; going by his annual remuneration for last year. Breaking it down, his three-year contract for endorsements is worth Rs 180 crores. He is also paid Rs 2,35,000 for a five-day test match and Rs 2,50,000 for one dayers. A little bit of elementary math: This highest paid cricketer in the world makes around Rs 61.15 crore a year, or Rs 1,163 per minute
Dr A P J ABDUL Kalam
What: President of India
How much: Rs 1.14 per minute
Before taking on the reins of this country, Dr A P J Kalam played a leading role in the development of India's missile and nuclear weapons programmes - so much so - that he's fondly referred to as the 'Missile Man'. In the early 1990s, he served as scientific adviser to the government, and his prominent role in India 's 1998 nuclear weapons tests established Kalam as a national hero. For all his work in his present capacity as President of the world's largest de mocracy, Kalam draws an annual remuneration of Rs 6,00,000 or Rs 1.14 per minute.
Mukesh Ambani
What: CMD of Reliance Industries Ltd
How much: Rs 413 per minute
Head honcho of the $16.5 billion Reliance Industries Limited, Mukesh Ambani was ranked the world's 56th richest man in Forbe's list. But since this is only about salaries (and the like), we'll completely ignore his other earnings. Last year, Mr Ambani earned Rs 21.72 crore; a neat growth of 87 per cent over his previous year's earnings. He makes not less than Rs 413 per minute.
Amitabh Bachchan
What: Actor
How much: Rs 361 per minute
Kaun Banega Crorepati? Apparently, Mr Bachchan! With more endorsements and film releases per year than successful actors half his age, Bachchan's take-home last year was around Rs 19 crore - that's Rs 361 per minute.
Dr Manmohan Singh
What: Prime Minister of India
How much: Rs 0.57 per minute
An economist by profession, Dr Singh has formerly served in the International Monetary Fund. His economics education included an undergraduate and a master's degree from Punjab University ; an undergraduate degree from Cambridge ; and a doctorate from Oxford University . One of the most educated Indian prime ministers in history, Singh also served as the finance minister under prime minister Narasimha Rao. In his present capacity, Singh is paid Rs 3,60,000 annually, i.e. Rs 0.57 per minute.
Indra Nooyi
What: New Pepsi Chief
How much: Rs 2,911 per minute (from October 11)
Chennai-born 50-year-old Indra Nooyi was the Chief Financial Officer (CFO) of PepsiCo, the US-based soft drink major. In that capacity, her remuneration stood at $5 million (over Rs 23 crore). With her promotion this year, Nooyi becomes one of the highest paid CEOs in the world, with an announced remuneration of $33 million (approximately Rs 153 crores). This means Nooyi makes a whopping Rs 2,911 per minute.
*All figures based on media reports
Caution : DON'T start calculating your salary.
Fractions are not allowed.
Wifes Revenge!
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates andsuitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect herthings.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music andfeasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of hardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a Few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his newgirlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents andcarpets were steamed. Air Fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end even paid to replace the expensive woolcarpeting.
Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtor's refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlementin exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a Price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paper work.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home......... including the curtain rods!!
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect herthings.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music andfeasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of hardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a Few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his newgirlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents andcarpets were steamed. Air Fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end even paid to replace the expensive woolcarpeting.
Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtor's refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlementin exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a Price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paper work.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home......... including the curtain rods!!
Friday, September 08, 2006
*..........How High Can You Rise..........*
One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, myspirituality...
I wanted to quit my life.I went to the woods to have one last talk with GOD.
"GOD", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me..."Look around", GOD said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew fromthe earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo. I
n the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came fromthe bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo."
GOD said."In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo see.
I would not quit."
GOD said."Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could nothandle."
GOD said to me."Did you know, that all this time you have been struggling,you have actually been growing roots?"
"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."
"Don't compare yourself to others."
GOD said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come", GOD said to me. "You will rise high"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" GOD asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned
"Yes." GOD said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can.
"I left the forest and bring back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that GOD will never give up on you.
GOD will never give up on you
"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a gift to be enjoyed"
I quit my job, my relationship, myspirituality...
I wanted to quit my life.I went to the woods to have one last talk with GOD.
"GOD", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me..."Look around", GOD said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew fromthe earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo. I
n the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came fromthe bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo."
GOD said."In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo see.
I would not quit."
GOD said."Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could nothandle."
GOD said to me."Did you know, that all this time you have been struggling,you have actually been growing roots?"
"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."
"Don't compare yourself to others."
GOD said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come", GOD said to me. "You will rise high"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" GOD asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned
"Yes." GOD said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can.
"I left the forest and bring back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that GOD will never give up on you.
GOD will never give up on you
"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a gift to be enjoyed"
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Stupid Questions, Smart Answers!!!
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Don't U know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps onyour feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you tryagain.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the"Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. Weoccasionally also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you afteryears...
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's justthe money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africamarry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are fishing and a guy asks....................
Stupid Question:- Are you fishing?
Answer:- No, I was just drowning worms.
11. You've been living in a colony from the same time as your neighbourhas been living. But suddenly one day your neighbour asksyou.............
Stupid Question:- Have you been living here all your life?
Answer:- I don't know.... I haven't died yet!
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Don't U know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps onyour feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you tryagain.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the"Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. Weoccasionally also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you afteryears...
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's justthe money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africamarry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are fishing and a guy asks....................
Stupid Question:- Are you fishing?
Answer:- No, I was just drowning worms.
11. You've been living in a colony from the same time as your neighbourhas been living. But suddenly one day your neighbour asksyou.............
Stupid Question:- Have you been living here all your life?
Answer:- I don't know.... I haven't died yet!
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Fun With Maths!!!
Beauty of Maths!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?And finally, take a look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Amazing stuff.. n coming from a person who used to develop fever before Maths exam in school.....
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?And finally, take a look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Amazing stuff.. n coming from a person who used to develop fever before Maths exam in school.....
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