Pick Up Line & Befitting Replies

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm thereceptionistat the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah,that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one willbetoo if you sit down."

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours andI'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman:"It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman:"Unfertilized!"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman:"You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then why aren't you leaving me alone?"

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah,but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman:"Yes,but would you stay there?

Amazing Driving!!!

10th Position

9th Position

8th Position

7th Position

6th Position

5th Position
4th Position

3rd Position

Runner Up

The Winner!

Helmet worn backside front... Incase U didn't Notice!

Mathematical Love LeTTer !!!

De-Morgan's Law,
Binomial Avenue,
United States of Matrices.

My Dear Love,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with our cute circular face, conical nose andspherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.

With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Yours everloving,
Pythagoras

Men.... Oh My God!!!

Men Are Hard To Please

The Problems With GUYS:

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;

If u Don't, he says u are PROUD .

If u DRESS Nicely , he says u are trying to LURE him;

If u Don't , he says u are from VILLAGE .

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN ;

If u keep QUIET , he says u have no BRAINS .

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;

If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT .

If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;

If u Love him! , he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him;

If u do !! he says u are CHEAP.

If u tell him your PROBLEM , he says u are TROUBLESOME;

If u don't , he says that u don't TRUST him.

If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;

If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;

If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.

If u SMOKE , u are BAD girl;

If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.

If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK ;

If he does WELL , it's BRAINS.

If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;

If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

& sooo hard to please!!!!!

Creative Algebra Solution

Marriage!!!

The Silent Treatment:-

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM "
He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.
" Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


WIFE VS. HUSBAND:-

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws


WOMEN'S REVENGE:-

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN:-(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.


W O R D S:-

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


CREATION:-

A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

HUM TUM Masti

How much people Earn In a Minute !!!

In A Minute...

Shah Rukh Khan

What: Actor
How much: Rs 247 per minute

The King Khan, who started off modestly as a 'Fauji', made about Rs 13 crore last year.
This included his endorsement deals for Pepsi, Hyundai Santro - and of course, wetting himself in a bathtub, surrounded by women for HLL's Lux. How much per minute?


Brij Mohan Lall Munjal

What: Chief of Hero Group
How much: Rs 255 per minute

The patriarch of the Hero Group received the Life-time achievement award for 'Excellence in Corporate Governance' by the Institute of Company Secretary of India this year. Brij Mohan Lall Munjal earned about Rs 13.4 crore last year. He continues to be the world's largest motorcycle manufacturer and fuels his bank balance with Rs 255 per minute.


Sachin Tendulkar

What: Cricketer
How much: Rs 1,163 per minute

India's most loved sportsman makes a lot more than most CEOs of Indian companies; going by his annual remuneration for last year. Breaking it down, his three-year contract for endorsements is worth Rs 180 crores. He is also paid Rs 2,35,000 for a five-day test match and Rs 2,50,000 for one dayers. A little bit of elementary math: This highest paid cricketer in the world makes around Rs 61.15 crore a year, or Rs 1,163 per minute


Dr A P J ABDUL Kalam

What: President of India
How much: Rs 1.14 per minute

Before taking on the reins of this country, Dr A P J Kalam played a leading role in the development of India's missile and nuclear weapons programmes - so much so - that he's fondly referred to as the 'Missile Man'. In the early 1990s, he served as scientific adviser to the government, and his prominent role in India 's 1998 nuclear weapons tests established Kalam as a national hero. For all his work in his present capacity as President of the world's largest de mocracy, Kalam draws an annual remuneration of Rs 6,00,000 or Rs 1.14 per minute.


Mukesh Ambani

What: CMD of Reliance Industries Ltd
How much: Rs 413 per minute

Head honcho of the $16.5 billion Reliance Industries Limited, Mukesh Ambani was ranked the world's 56th richest man in Forbe's list. But since this is only about salaries (and the like), we'll completely ignore his other earnings. Last year, Mr Ambani earned Rs 21.72 crore; a neat growth of 87 per cent over his previous year's earnings. He makes not less than Rs 413 per minute.


Amitabh Bachchan

What: Actor
How much: Rs 361 per minute

Kaun Banega Crorepati? Apparently, Mr Bachchan! With more endorsements and film releases per year than successful actors half his age, Bachchan's take-home last year was around Rs 19 crore - that's Rs 361 per minute.


Dr Manmohan Singh

What: Prime Minister of India
How much: Rs 0.57 per minute

An economist by profession, Dr Singh has formerly served in the International Monetary Fund. His economics education included an undergraduate and a master's degree from Punjab University ; an undergraduate degree from Cambridge ; and a doctorate from Oxford University . One of the most educated Indian prime ministers in history, Singh also served as the finance minister under prime minister Narasimha Rao. In his present capacity, Singh is paid Rs 3,60,000 annually, i.e. Rs 0.57 per minute.


Indra Nooyi

What: New Pepsi Chief
How much: Rs 2,911 per minute (from October 11)

Chennai-born 50-year-old Indra Nooyi was the Chief Financial Officer (CFO) of PepsiCo, the US-based soft drink major. In that capacity, her remuneration stood at $5 million (over Rs 23 crore). With her promotion this year, Nooyi becomes one of the highest paid CEOs in the world, with an announced remuneration of $33 million (approximately Rs 153 crores). This means Nooyi makes a whopping Rs 2,911 per minute.


*All figures based on media reports

Caution : DON'T start calculating your salary.
Fractions are not allowed.

Wifes Revenge!

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates andsuitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect herthings.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music andfeasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of hardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a Few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his newgirlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents andcarpets were steamed. Air Fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end even paid to replace the expensive woolcarpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtor's refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlementin exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a Price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paper work.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home......... including the curtain rods!!

*..........How High Can You Rise..........*

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, myspirituality...
I wanted to quit my life.I went to the woods to have one last talk with GOD.
"GOD", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me..."Look around", GOD said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew fromthe earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo. I
n the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came fromthe bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo."
GOD said."In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo see.
I would not quit."
GOD said."Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could nothandle."
GOD said to me."Did you know, that all this time you have been struggling,you have actually been growing roots?"
"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."
"Don't compare yourself to others."
GOD said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come", GOD said to me. "You will rise high"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" GOD asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned
"Yes." GOD said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can.

"I left the forest and bring back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that GOD will never give up on you.
GOD will never give up on you

"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a gift to be enjoyed"

Stupid Questions, Smart Answers!!!

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Don't U know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps onyour feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you tryagain.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the"Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. Weoccasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you afteryears...
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's justthe money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africamarry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are fishing and a guy asks....................
Stupid Question:- Are you fishing?
Answer:- No, I was just drowning worms.

11. You've been living in a colony from the same time as your neighbourhas been living. But suddenly one day your neighbour asksyou.............
Stupid Question:- Have you been living here all your life?
Answer:- I don't know.... I haven't died yet!

Fun With Maths!!!

Beauty of Maths!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?And finally, take a look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321

Amazing stuff.. n coming from a person who used to develop fever before Maths exam in school.....

2 Moons visible on 27 August '06. Chance of a LIFETIME

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting next August 2006. It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye.

This will cultimate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65 M miles of Earth. Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am.

It will look like the Earth has 2 Moons.

Don't Miss it.....

The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.

NOTE : Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it again. ONLY LIFETIME CHANCE THIS TIME.

DESERVE BEFORE YOU DESIRE ...

Mr. Gopalakrishnan succeeds Mr. Ratan Tata as Chairman of Tata Sons Ltd., the holding company for many of the Tata Bluechips like Tata Steel, TataMotors, Tata Power, Tata Chemicals, Voltas, etc. Possibly, he is the first non-Tata person to head the Tata Empire. The article below has been written by him and we want to share it with you all.

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The grass isn't always greener on the other side!!

Move from one job to another, but only for the right reasons. "It's yet another day at office. As I logged on to the marketingand advertising sites for the latest updates, as usual, I found the headlines dominated by 'who's moving from one company to another after a short stint, and I wondered, why are so many people leaving one job for another? Is it passé now to work with just one company for a sufficiently long period? Whenever I ask this question to people who leave a company, the answers I get are: "Oh, I am getting a 200% hike in salary"; "Well, I am jumping three levels in my designation"; "Well, they are going to send me abroad in six months". Then, I look around at all the people who are considered successful today and who have reached the top - be it in a media agency, an advertising agency or a company. I find that most of these people are the ones who have stuck to the company, ground their heels and worked their way to the top. And, as I look around for people who changed their jobs constantly, Ifind they have stagnated at some level, in obscurity!

In this absolutely ruthless, dynamic and competitive environment, there are still no short cuts to success or to making money. The only thing that continues to pay, as earlier, is loyalty and hard work. Yes, it pays! Sometimes immediately, sometimes after a lot of time. But, it does pay. Does this mean that one should stick to an organisation and wait forthat golden moment? Of course not.

After a long stint, there always comes a time for moving in most organisations, but it is important to move for the right reasons, rather than superficial ones, like money, designation or an overseas trip.

Remember, no company recruits for charity.

More often than not, when you are offered an unseemly hike in salary ordesignation that is disproportionate to what that company offers its current employees, there is always unseen bait attached.
The result?

You will, in the long-term, have reached exactly the same levels or maybe lower levels than what you would have in your current company. A lot of people leave an organisation because they are "unhappy". What is this so-called-unhappiness? I have been working for donkey's years and there has never been a day when I im not unhappy about something in my work environment - boss, rude colleague, fussy clients etc. Unhappiness in a workplace, to a large extent, is transient.If you look hard enough, there is always something to be unhappy about. But, more importantly; do I come to work to be "happy" in the truest sense?

If I think hard, the answer is "No". Happiness is something you find with family, friends, may be a close circle of colleagues who have become friends. What you come to work for is to earn, build a reputation, satisfyyour ambitions, be appreciated for your work ethics, face challenges and get the job done.

So, the next time you are tempted to move,

ask yourself why are you moving and what are you moving into?

Some questions are:

Am I ready and capable of handling the new responsibility?

If yes, what could be the possible reasons my current company has not offered me the same responsibility?

Who are the people who currently handle this responsibility in the current and new company? Am I as good as the best among them?

As the new job offer has a different profile, why have I not giventhe current company the option to offer me this profile?

Why is the new company offering me the job?

Do they want me for my skills,or is there an ulterior motive?

An honest answer to these will eventually decide where you go in your career - to the top of the pile in the long term (at the cost of short-term blips) or to become another average employee who gets lost withtime in the wilderness?

"DESERVE BEFORE YOU DESIRE"

The Posts below are not forwards but my thoughts

Women's Day

If we had to live our lives the same way everyday.. how boring it would become.. so some wise men and/or women dedicated certain days for celebration.. one such dedication was to the womankind.... So we the ladies at the office decided whynot celebrate it our way... and we all landed up at the office draped in a saree... The men were taken aback.. it was fun to note their expressions which ranged from surprise to shock to blank expressions to not concerned attitude... but we were definitely able to generate a stir.... Such was the stir that the MD announced a complimentry Lunch for all the ladies.. We had the freedom to pick our choice of resterant n the food.... So there we were, all nine of us at 'Near East' Restaurent in Vasant Vihar, Priya Cinema Complex.. Yeah we decided not to venture too far from office... So we walked out of the office at around 2 PM for our lunch and decided to order Chinese food... so we started of with soups and a game.. the game was to speak one trait/characteristic about every one which the others like or dislike.... and not to repeat a characteristic of a person if it has been highlighted by someone else already...... so with the soup the fun started... well most of us ended up saying good things about everyone... then i proposed that we replay the game n now all have to Compulsorily point out the bad traits of all of us present there..... it was another round of fun..

then we decided to judge the guys in the office and everyone had to name the person they dislike & the one they like a lot/who is near about the person they would like to go around with.... Finally we all decided to become a bit more personal n discuss each others love life.. so all had to come up with the name n details of the guy they are hooked on too.... So lots of learning happened... suddenly one of us saw the time n realised that it was past 3.. .... we finished our lunch n reluctantly headed back to office.. u bet the guys were green with jelousey.... hehehehe.. its nice to do such things once in a while n obviously after such heart to heart sharings we all were grinning looking at each other.. n the guys were wondering what we have been upto....to sum it a nice day spent.....

Think and Keep Thinking: Job Search Oh My God!!!

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